Being Single

Being Single: The Best Time to Discover Yourself

2:43:00 am

Hey! Have you ever feel like you're dating the wrong person? Or feel like you've done everything for them but it's not good enough? Or you always feel like you always got into a bad fight over small matters? Are you exhausted jumping from relationship to relationship but it never worked out? Or maybe you're wondering why your friend(s) looks so happy going to cinema alone, having so much time for themselves, and all these problems you're facing are so out of the question for this single friend(s) of yours? Maybe, you need to take a break and think seriously, dear.....


source: yourtango.com

source: thisislovelivequotes.com

OK honeybees, this time I'm going to write about relationship with yourself. I know a lot of people will want to know more about dating relationship, but being in relationship with yourself is as important (if not more important) as dating relationship. No, I'm not relationship expert, but I observe people, I learned from my and their experiences.


Before I start this, I'll let you know that I've been single for almost 10 years after my breakup with my first and only boyfriend. Yes, I was in a relationship once, back when I was a university student, back when I was immature and thinking maybe being in a relationship would be fun and make me happier. It was nice to have someone I could contact almost 24/7, but the change from being single to 'in a relationship' was huge for me. Let just say I was naive and immature, and so did him.


So after that short relationship, I felt so relieved that everything will go back to before I was in a relationship. I went out with my family and friends, I got more me-time, and I thought a lot about what had gone wrong. Is it something about him? Or me? It's not easy to admit that I was so immature back then, but with time came wisdom.


source: yourtango.com and I can say this quote represent what I want to say very well.

source: pinterest



After these 10 years of being single, I got to say to you that the time you spent on yourself is important before you decided to jump into relationship.


WHY?
Let's find out....


1. Relationship can be draining


If you're not finished with yourself yet.
If you're in a relationship with a person who's not finished with themselves.
If you're in a relationship with the wrong person in the wrong time.


When you decide to jump into a relationship, it's like you're starting an internship in a company. Everything are new to you and you have to adjust yourself to fit into the company. You have to sacrifice some things like your freedom, your hangout time with friends/family, your alone time, or those Korea drama marathon time. But this internship might land you to your dream job (or maybe not).

It's the same as relationship, you can't be selfish and think only for yourself. You have to sacrifice things that might be important to you before; like your game time, your korea drama marathon time, or your quality time with your friends and family. Both parties have to work together and be selfless. Both parties have to realized that communication work two ways. Both parties have to trust each other and keep giving. If only one people tries hard in the relationship, it's not a healthy relationship.

Believe me, it's not the dream job you want to spend your whole life on.

To apply to an internship program, you usually have to be in your last year of university (almost finish your degree). So does relationship. You need to finish with yourself before you jump into relationship.

How do you want to love other people when you don't love yourself?
How do you want other to accept you when you can't accept yourself?
How do you intent to give when you don't have anything to give?


That's why it's important to love yourself, to accept yourself, and made sure that yourself is full before you want to love others.

source: joinblush.com

2. You have all the time to focus on yourself.

As I stated before, you need to be full before you start a relationship. And being single is the perfect time to do just that. When you're single, you have more time to discover what you like. You have more time to go to that art exhibition that you like. You have more time to learn new language or maybe improve your photography skill (or learn to cook). You have more time (and money) to travel and explore new areas. You have more time to indulge yourself in your hobbies and passion. You have more time to advance in your carrier. You have more chances to meet new people and make friends. You have more time to relax and re-discover yourself.

Being single for these 10 years brought me to the me now. I got to follow my passion and learn fashion design. I got transferred to Japan and learn japanese. I got to live alone and meet new friends. I got to boarden my vision and values. I went to many new place and exhibition as I can. I got to travel alone in foreign country and discover myself more. I got to be braver and improve my self-confidence. I got to see the world and go outside my comfort zone. For once I imagine if I decided to hold onto that relationship, or jumped into another relationship after my break-up, I might not be able to experience all of that.

So yeah... being single is not that bad. Just enjoy your moment. It's all about you and you alone. Go and discover yourself!


source: rover.ebay.com


3. Explore! Explore! Explore! Learn! Learn! Learn!

What I mean by explore and learn is these.
Go read books and article. Go to seminars that got your interest. Open your eyes, ears, and brain for new information and opinion that differ from your point of view. Learn from your past. Fill your brain with things and issues that matter. It can be anything. History, politics, economy, environmental issues, mental health, anything. As long as it helps you boarden your knowledge and personality. Because when you're single, you have more time to improve your own quality and make you feel good about yourself.

Some people need to fix their body image. If you need to fix it, then you go and learn to fix it. Learn to love yourself. Go read more books and article about body image, body shaming, and how to improve your body image. Go surround yourself with people who compliment you genuinely and with people who can support you gain confidence. It's hard when you try hard alone, but with social support, it's not that hard.

Some people need to heal from past break ups. Then don't go and jump into another relationship before you healed. It will be another disaster. Your next partner might be the right one for you, but if you're not ready, it's called for a unhealthy relationship. It's okay to take time and heal. Don't rush.


source: tinypositive.com


Some people need to discover themselves. If you don't even know what do you want, then go explore yourself first. Read more book and article about personality, meditation, or anything related to your need. Go surround yourself with people who can help you with that.

Some people need to learn to be independent. If you can't do anything alone, then it's time to get to your feet and do it alone. Doing something alone doesn't mean you're weird nor it's a bad thing. No! In fact, you need to be able to do things alone. Even in relationship, you need to take time for yourself and let your partner to enjoy their own time. So, why don't you practice this in advance? If you find yourself wander meaninglessly, then let yourself get lost (on your feet or thought).

Some people need to learn how to love themselves. If you're one of these people, then it's time to love yourself. There are a lot of book about self love. Go and read those. If they got some tips, try to do it. Or if you're a believer of one religion, then go for a community to help you heal mentally and spiritually. If you prefer a social support, then go find your social support. If you think you need professional help, go seek a psychologist.


source: rover.ebay.com


I, for once, was in this category. It's easy for me to find something bad about myself, physically and mentally. The feeling when I accidentally do something bad or wrong, the anxiety when I had to open a conversation with new people or do presentation, the anxiety when someone look at me and all I could think about was whether I said something bad or I look weird in what I wore, the unworthy feeling when I received rewards or praise, the ugly thought about how I look physically. I was lucky to find a great church community for youth that helped me with this issues. They're the one who inspire me to go and learn psychology for my university degree.

One thing is sure; We all have those period once. Don't stuck there, you have room and time for improvement. If you feel like your friends and community can't help you grow, then seek a new one. If you can't help but stuck there even with your hardwork to change, go seek a professional help.


---


I was thinking about this topic for a while now since I came back home. Some reason why I need to write this out are the fact that most of my friends and social support are married or dating, and some people I care about are wondering if something's wrong about them that they're still without partner. It's been nagging me as to why people tend to feel weird that they haven't settle down after reaching certain age, or feel bad about themselves because of this matter. I'm wondering if there're people out there who got the same problems as those people I care about and here I am writing this out.


So, how do you cope with your life? or your romantic relationship? Do you find yourself similar? Share your story with me (here or on instagram). I'll try and summarize this in my instagram story too (soon I promise).

Before I say good night, I'll give you some tips I found on beautifully honest

 
and a challenge for single people out there!

source: teespring.com - a challenge for 2019, anyone?


I'll be waiting for your story! Hope you all have a great day ahead!


xoxo
Anastasia



Follow me on:

 

Adidas

A Free Day

10:39:00 pm


What I wore: Top Stradivarius | Shorts Wego | Bag from Japan | Shoes Adidas x Alexander Wang

Hello lovelies! How are you today? It's been a month or so since my last post, yeah? No, I don't forget to update, just I was a bit busy for a while and then I need my resting time too... I'm not one with high energy to begin with, so I need to recharge more often than the other.



Anyway, if you follow me on instagram, you might know already that I went to Singapore last month before the chaos in my schedule started. lol. At least I got a nice weekend gateway before my busy schedule began. I actually want to write about one of the topic I asked you guys before, but after several consideration, I'm going to write about that on my new blog! YES! NEW BLOG! Go and check it out lovelies!



Okay, so I went to watch Lion King at Singapore, and had a free day after that, so me being me, and the fact that I haven't visited Singapore for 5-6 years made it like super short trip. My cousins and I decided to go around Bugis and Haji Lane. We took several pictures and just strolling around until late night. It was quite fun, and I hope I can do it again soon!


Speaking about gateway, it almost christmas holiday! What's your plan for the upcoming holiday? Share with me!


xoxo
Anastasia


Follow me on:


credit:
photo are taken by Lidwina N.& Sanny
with Sony a5000 & Fujifilm

Jakarta vs Tokyo

Life in Jakarta vs Life in Tokyo: Which One is Better?

7:12:00 pm

Hello lovelies! Remember my poll in last post? I shared it in instagram story, and the most voted one is 'Life in Jakarta vs Life in Tokyo: Which One is Better?' so here I am, writing this post for you. Before I started, I will warn you that this is based on my own preferences and experiences, your opinion might differ.


WARNING!!
This post will be super long with minimal pictures.


Are you sure you're not turning back? OK let's start!


1. Entertainment
 
in Jakarta
As capital city, Jakarta is just like your typical metropolitan city; it has almost everything you can think of; department store, shopping malls, skyscrapers, museums, big stadiums, clubs, and all those things. Jakarta is great, yes, specially now that the previous governor was trying hard to make Jakarta as good as other metropolitan city. I could only heard and read about all the development from online news since I lived in Tokyo back then. A lot of small park were built, the river got cleaned up, and finally they put a stop to shopping mall expansion. It was a great news for me, because let's be honest here, I am sick of the shopping mall where almost everyone go to every weekends (or even weekdays).

image source: http://www.indonesia-holidays.com/jakarta/shopping/grand-indonesia-shopping-town.htm
We have a lot of nice shopping malls, like Grand Indonesia, Plaza Indonesia, Pondok Indah Mall, Central Park Mal, etc. They scattered everywhere, so you can easily spot one near your neighborhood. Most malls got everything you might want; cinema, restaurant, electronic store, clothing store, shoes store, accessories store, cellphone provider service office, cafes, groceries store, bubble tea stand, and furniture store; all in one building (and some even have hotel and apartment attached to it). How convenient! But so boring. It's as if it's the only place you go to get entertained.

Other than shopping malls, we do have places we can hang out with our loved one, like PIK and Senopati which have so many restaurant, bar, and cafe you can choose from. There's fishing area around PIK too, but since I'm not into fishing, I never checked this place out. Other than that, we do have small parks built in Ahok era, but I'm not sure we can do picnic or relaxing there.

image source: www.indoindians.com

We also have museums too, but it's clearly not the preferred destination for most of the citizen to spend the weekend. Some newer museum or art space are also great and it's a good start to develop more.

As for clubs, it's in the least of my list for a place to have fun, so I don't know much about that. And the fact that I hate to be in a small places with a lot of strangers and blaring music, I never get what's the fun on visiting such place.


in Tokyo
Well Tokyo also has some big shopping malls, but most of them are located around Tokyo, Roppongi, and Ginza. Other areas like Shibuya or Shinjuku also has smaller departement store where you can also hop from one building to another. Beside shopping malls and department store, Tokyo also has shopping district like Takeshita dori and cat street in Harajuku, Shimo-Kitazawa, Ameyokocho in Ueno, Hibiya Shopping Street, and much more. The idea is basically an area to shop and relax (since they also have cafes and restaurants), but they made it like neighborhood so you can actually stroll along the road leisurely. If I have a good amount of time, I prefer to go there rather than to department store or shopping mall. LOL



Other than shopping district and malls, Tokyo has a lot of park where you can do a lot of activity like picnic, flower viewing, jogging, cycling, sleeping, hangout, play music, taking pictures, walk your dog; you name it. It's one of my favorite place to go in the weekend (either alone or with friends). Most of the park also located near the restaurant district or department store district so it's really convenient. Some of my favorite park are Yoyogi Park (literally beside Meiji Jingu and across Harajuku), Shinjuku Gyoen, Ueno Park, and Naka Meguro (OK, this is not park or graden, but this is my most favorite place for Sakura viewing, and it's near Daikanyama too).


Other things to look out are the museums and art exhibition. I also realized that most of the museums are actually places for exhibition, so they regularly change the inside. It's a great idea to only have several building (since they don't have much land left) but focused on bringing different art, knowledge, and history to keep people's interest. They fact that most of them are for limited time, it's also one of the appeal for people to hurry up and visit the museum. With all the frequent change and diversity in choices, it's also one of my favorite to spend my weekend or holiday.

And well, Tokyo also has plenty of clubs. I've been to one, and it's quite the good experience just because I went with my girls, but if someone offers me to go the second time, I will have to reject. It's just not my type of having fun (well the alcohol is fun, but since Tokyo has a lot of bar that offer all you can drink, I prefer that one).

My other favorite is karaoke. If I missed the last train, my friends and I usually go to karaoke place, pay for 2 hours and we got free hours until the first train starts. Or you can go to internet cafe, they have shower room and private room where you can spend the night browsing or reading manga.


2. Transportation & Traffic

In Jakarta
The public transportation is getting better, with the transjakarta and the online car & motorcycle service, but the main transportation for middle class to upper class is still private car. I don't know about others, but my parents didn't allow me to ride motorcycle, take kopaja/metromini (kinda like local bus & mini bus), and sometimes taxi is also a no because it's too dangerous (with the pick pocket and harassment, and the possible kidnapping and all that shit). So yeah, let just say I'm blessed with private car and driver, but thanks to the traffic, I hate going out unless necessary.

image source: http://jakartaglobe.id/news/jakarta-worlds-worst-traffic-gridlock/

I used transjakarta back in university, but I really hate the way people didn't let people to go out first before they push around to get inside the bus. Man, the bus is not going to leave you behind. The other problem was the uncertain schedule, you can get stuck queuing for 30 minutes to 1 hour in rush hour without a single bus passing by. LOL..... it was 5-8 years ago tho' not sure about that now.


In Tokyo
Train-walk-train-walk was my routine, and occasionally I took bus and taxi. Their most complicated train (and metro) map can get you everywhere you want, even to the outskirt of Tokyo. Yes, sure the sexual harassment issue is still there, but since I never experience any of that, I can't say anything bad. Well, unless you're unlucky enough to find puke on the train floor thanks to the drunkard. LOL~ The only time I hate train is the last train (weekend and weekdays are the same to me). Other than that? The constant suicide attempt is also frustating for me specially if it's at rush hour.




3. Safety

In Jakarta
If you read carefully, I stated the possible crime that might happen, but it's not all. If you're following the political situation and discrimination issues in Indonesia, you will surely know how it's not safe for chinese descendant and female; specially if you're the combination of those two (and let's not bother with religion differences since it will make a book out of it). And thanks to that, most chinese descendant parents usually work real hard to at least provide safety for their kids in the shape of car. One car for one kid, and if you have 3 kids you probably have 4-5 cars (then go back to the traffic issues). Most of parents won't let their baby girl to go out at night, your curfew is 8pm sharp even if you're already past 22 y.o). Believe me, it's still happen to me unless I go out around 6pm then my curfew is 10pm (maybe my parents are one of the extreme one).

And then there's also clothes restriction. The fact that you will get harassment in the name of cat-calling even you wear hijab tells it all. Think hundreds to wear shorts and tank top unless you drive a car. Try to steel your mind with all the whisper around you and their hard stare when you just passing by with your a bit-too-much-style (typically happen outside shopping mall and club I think?). Always remember to put an eye to your belongings like wallet and cellphone. Once you drop your money, prepare to let it go or think that you never have the money from the very beginning.

In Tokyo
Let just say, I enjoy the safety to the fullest. I will not say that I'm the typical good girl when I lived in Tokyo. No. I went out late, I came back after midnight, sometimes I missed the last train, I partied, I drank, I wore any kind of clothes that I love, and I traveled alone. But in all those years, never once I got my money stolen or lost my phone.


It's so safe that I left my phone on the restaurant table and go to the toilet when I eat alone. I left my stuff in the train once and just report it to the lost and found office and they will check it for me. I lost my train card once, and the police actually called my school so I could go and take it from the police station. I could walk around wearing shorts and sleeveless top and no one spare me a glance. And the fact that I live alone, there's no curfew and this nervous feeling when I came home alone after 9pm even if I wear shorts and tank top. It was that liberating. One thing I missed so much when I came back to Jakarta.


4. Mentality

in Jakarta
One good point is, we can have as many helpers as we want, no need to clean our shit ourselves. You can work from morning to night and still come home to clean house and warm homemade food. But it's getting out of hand outside the house. Even in restaurant and cinema, you can just leave your eaten food on the table. 'What? We paid for it!' is one of the common excuse people used. Need to throw something? Feel free to throw everywhere, there's people who sweep the street, they got paid from our tax anyway. Don't like someone? Just go and leave harsh comment in their social media. They don't deserve the high confidence and self-worth anyway. Well, yeah, the mentality, the negativity. It's everywhere.

image source: https://www.vebma.com/curhat/nyinyir-di-medsos-jadi-tren-hobi-baru/24307


in Tokyo
No helpers, no driver unless you're that rich. After you eat, go put your tray at the return section yourself. Need to throw trash? Pay attention to the label on the trashbin. No trashbin in sight? put your trash inside your pocket man!


5. The working culture

in Jakarta
In some field, of course you need to work long-long hours; like architect or surgeon for example; and some also need you to work overtime. But not to the point of reaching midnight. We don't have the drinking culture, so it's pretty normal to go back home early and eat with your family (well unless you're single and came from different city). We're free to actually resign and go look for another job that might interest us more (with better salary and benefit).

in Tokyo
OK, I never work full time in Tokyo, but based on my part-time job and stories from my friends, the working culture in Tokyo is a bit strict. Costumer is the king, so yeah, when you got a shitty costumer you just need to kill him in your head and keep saying 'sumimasen'. Some traditional company don't pay your overtime hour, even if they're quite big company. The seniority is still ongoing, specially in the cross-rank relationship (boss and subordinate). Once you got accepted in one company, it's unlikely for Japanese to resign and look for another job (go back to the seniority and their loyal character). And let's not forget about their drinking culture, you will find a lot of salaryman go drinking even in weekdays with their superior, business partner, or even colleagues.


---


There are a lot more I want to write, but I think the most important point are there and it's too long already. So let's see which one is better.


Let be honest, both city are convenient and full of life. Both has their own positive and negative side. I found Tokyo to be liberating and safe, even though I have to do housework by myself and manage my money myself. As for Jakarta, since I live with my parents, I don't need to do housework because we have helpers and driver, so it makes everything nicer. BUT! Even though I love how I don't need to do housework, I found it suffocating to live in Jakarta. Mostly because of the negative mentality and the constant fear of my safety.
So for now, if I don't count the working culture, I prefer to live in Tokyo.
That's sum up my comparison. ;)
Next post will be the second most voted; 'How to: be more positive'
See you again in next post! *kiss*





xoxo

Fashion

Keep on Smiling!

11:31:00 pm

Hello lovelies! I'm back after two months of vacation and wrecking my brain for something new. YES! You read it right! I keep growing as a human being and with all that constant changing, I just feel like the previous blog concept is outdated. I can't deny that I've been pouring all my attention to instagram and no love (and time) for my blog, but I just feel like I need to figure myself out before doing anything to this blog. So, if you haven't actually notice the change in my blog layout and everything, I will just write it out for you right from the start!




Riiiigghht...! It all started from the end of June when I finally came back to Jakarta for good, with the idea of working in fashion brand before I started out my own brand officially. And while waiting for the company to call me, I found myself with so many free-time that made me mentally sick. I actually went over some downs rather than up with all those free-time; I'm feeling like I'm so lazy and have no future and all that crazy shit. I even complained on my instagram, you can just scroll it down, with my mind struggling to make a productive life (with constant nagging from my parents and family).


Hat ZARA | Tshirt H&M | Dungarees Pull & Bear | Jacket Uniqlo | Shoes Adidas x Alexander Wang


To make it short, I'm blessed with the constant support from my social-media friends to keep on going and do what I love to do. I began to think hard about what I want to do in my life, what things mattered to me, and how to achieve that dream. So many people successed on theirs already and I think I can also do it, if I try hard and have the consistency (one that I lack). With all the support from my social media friends and couple of my real-life friends, I began to turn back into positivity, self-love, passion, and of course, life/social-issues. I dug back my own life motto and verses that I held dear. Then I began to pour the idea on my instagram's caption and found that I'd love to share my point of view in life. Hence the idea came to me to actually start writing my blog again, with a different concept than before.


Bag Kol Me Baby

Don't get me wrong, I still love to dress up and all, but I want to make my post has more meaning rather than my half-ass knowledge about fashion (we have enough fashion influencers who have more knowledge than I am). So then I open my blog again today, and re-did the layout and trying to start again (for countless time in my life LOL).



---

So today's quote is

'Start your day with a smile,
and end it with a smile too.'

---

The reason was clearly explained on my instagram's caption and I'm not going to recite all of it here. Just go and visit my instagram and follow it damn it! 







And I will close this post with a poll.

What do you want me to discuss on my next post?
1. Single: The Best Time to Discover Yourself
2. How to: Be More Positive
3. Life in Jakarta vs Life in Tokyo; Which One is Better?
4. How to: Found Your Passion


I will put this poll on my FB and Instagram, so let me know in one of these platform, OK?
See you soon lovelies!



xx



credit:
photos are taken with Fujifilm XT20
lens: 3.5mm, f 1,4
by Sannie Xen 
and edited by me with Adobe Lightroom and VSCO

Daily Outfit

Heart to Heart Talk

12:37:00 pm

Good day to everyone! How's your summer going on? Remember in my last post I said that I'm going to update more about my short trip to Gotemba? Sorry, but that have to wait. This time I was rewriting my deleted post about what I promised in my instagram post a week ago.


If you followed my instagram, you will know which post I'm talking about. If you don't, please go and follow me now!, check it out now... In the caption I said I was rewriting the caption over and over and decided to save the long story for people who's actually care enough to want to know more about it. And to my surprise, a lot of people encourage me to share more about it. So here it is......




---

WARNING!!
It will be long and boring, with sensitive topic. Turn back before you die of boredom~


You've been warned!


---


For starters, I will explain the environment I'm growing up in, to make it clear where's my position and why I thought I was weird AF...


I was born into catholic family, in Indonesia, where's social value was hold as narrow-minded as ants' hole. I was raised with some value I found it weird and questionable. I never dared to question it out loud because we kids just follow our parents, teachers, and community's instruction, without questions. YES. Otherwise, you will be branded as troublesome kids or naughty kids, and the likes. So I love to keep everything to myself and in the end, I always feel like I'm weird AF. Not that anyone knows about it, even my own lovely siblings who've been supportive as they can be. And let make me clear, I was born nearly 30 years ago, with a little bit too small social boundaries that made my friends' circle as small as my bathtub.


What? You wanted to know what kind of value we have? Ok, for starters, we, Indonesian (well, most of us), believe we have to be straight as an arrow, get married and produce kids to fill the world. Other orientation? you'd surely be branded as sinner and would go to hell. If you're a girl, you have to wear skirt, be pretty, have long hair, pay attention to your physical appearance, and can do house chores. If you're a boy, you can't be seen crying, have to be macho, strong, and show all that masculine treats. If you behave otherwise, you'll be damned.






Yeah, welcome to my hell of society. And until I was in middle school, I thought nothing of it. What? I was a kid. A not so normal kid. I started to wonder about it because at that time, there's this one tomboy girl in my school who liked to tease me. A childish teasing if I think about it now. She liked to stand in front of me and prevent me from going home. I thought she was just being playful even though we never been in the same class or talk that much, until my best friends got angry and said something hurtful to her. I didn't remember what my friend said and I didn't even get what she was saying (I was super dense I knew), but I still remembered how she stopped smiling and let me go home. And after that, she never approach me anymore. That day my friend even told me to get angry or ignore her and say 'don't approach me anymore' to her if she continued doing it. I didn't remember what my respond were (I think it was my defense mechanism to forget events I don't want to remember).


For a while, her hurtful expression just stuck in my mind. I knew my friend just got ticked off and just wanted to make her stop, but she got hurt. I began to wonder if it's because her boyish appearance or her tomboyish attitude, but everyone I knew thought she's weird. After that incident, I got interested in why people thought she's weird and got to know some bad gossip about her (you know, teenage girls hang out together... most of the time, we only talk about rubbish gossip.. or maybe it was in my time only.. i dunno). Is being different a bad thing? She was kind enough and being friendly to me, so I didn't see why everyone saying bad things about her. But well, I didn't do anything at that time and I regretted it. Until now, I wanted to go back in time and smacked my past self in the head for being a coward and let her go her way. So if she's well and healthy out there, and accidentally stumbled upon this post of mine, I hope she forgives my friends and me.




With time, I found more about other sexual orientation beside heterosexual. While everyone I knew thought it was disgusting and just wrong, I was questioning about why do everyone think it is wrong? Even in the church, we're not welcoming homosexual people. For years, I was feeling so guilty for thinking they're no different from me, from us. They just like someone from the same sex as them. No big deal. I even thought why God created them to be different and being condemned and hated by others? Didn't He love them too? I was searching for answers for years. There's time where I feel like my religion is just wrong. They preached on love and forgiveness but do no such thing. They still judge and discriminate.


But well, God has His own plan. I was glad that I took psychology as my university major and learned a whole new things all together. It opened my eyes, a lot. Even though I got to know that it was just a matter of personal preferences, sometimes I still found myself thinking if I was weird for supporting their right as human beings, as I looking at the issues being brought to the media recently... specially in my own country. But with time and support from both people I never got to meet (all thanks to social media) and people I actually met, I will gladly say I'm not all that weird. LOL 


Top: GGSing | Skirt borrowed from my lil sis | Bag: Kate Spade | Shoes: Adidas x Alexander Wang


If I was born and growing up in different environment, I might not find myself weird. As you might say, my thinking was all fine and normal, but with the context and background story, it could be seen differently. My supportive fellas always said, we're all unique and one of a kind. We should embrace our weirdo side and just be who we are. I was glad I got to know these awesome fellas, all thanks to God (and some) with the help of social media.


We might have our own story. So this is my story. What's yours? I'd love to know your story too (doesn't have to be as sensitive as mine). I'll be waiting!



xoxo
Anastasia



credit:
photos are taken with Fujifilm XT20
lens: 3.5mm, f 1,4
by Sannie Xen 
 
 
 
 

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casual style

Life goes on

12:01:00 am



A little bit after going back to Indonesia, I went to one of my best friend's wedding in Samarinda, Borneo. A short trip and a reunion. I haven't meet them for almost 4 years, and I was so glad I could make it. It was a month ago though, but I still feel happy for my friend and her husband. :) all the best wishes for both of them.




shirt: ggshop | outer: Le Muse | pants: H&M | bag: Kol Me Baby | Shoes: Nokha

After my little reunion with my ESMOD friends, I have to go back to Tokyo for family emergency issues, so yeah, I'm back in Tokyo. My plan on working got postponed for several months. I was kinda excited to start working, but let just say God wanted me to have longer holiday. I will write some post about Tokyo, so stay tuned!


So far, I've been wandering around Harajuku and Omotesando since my apartment is in Aoyama, and I only need 10-15 minutes walk to Omotesando. Got to spend time in the hospital for some time too, so I haven't roaming around other area. It's not me who got admitted to the hospital, but one of my family member.





There are some things I noticed after going in and out of the hospital for two weeks. It's so different from hospital in Jakarta. The patients are free to roam around, like sitting in the lounge, go down to buy their own snack in the convinience store at 2nd floor, and having visitor(s) in the lounge area. The nurse have to see you drink the medicine before they proceed to take your blood pressure and your temperature. The food menus change everyday and they actually balance the diet (they put your name and room number on each tray to make it feel more personal). And we have to put back the tray ourselves, this is one of the nicest point, like you still have to be independent. LOL.


shoes by Nokha

Next I will update more about my first journey to Gotemba, so stay tune!


xoxo
Anastasia


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credit:
photos are taken with Fujifilm XT20
lens: 3.5mm, f 1,4
by Sannie Xen
 

Indonesia

To Leave or To Stay?

3:57:00 pm

Good morning everyone, it's a great day here in Tokyo, where I type my post.
A quiet sunny day with gentle wind from time to time, a perfect time to doze off and relax...but not my heart and brain.


In past years, I wanted to say the situation in my country is getting better, but scratch that; it's NOT. Around a decade ago, we christian got a lot of bombing threat specially around easter and christmas time. Several churches got bombed and we couldn't go celebrate and pray without the fear of bombing. The Holy Mass schedule changed from 9pm and 11pm to 7pm to avoid the dangerous situation. We even need to ask for police force to guard our churches while we're praying and celebrating Eucharist. It still happens until now for safety reason.

For several years, it's getting better, or so I thought. Two days ago, the world got the news about churches bombing and several attempt in different places in Indonesia. Some of my foreigner friends even messaged me and asking if I was OK or not.. I really appreciate them for caring, it actually warmed my heart to know that. :)



This incident came as a shock to me, as I found it unfair that we have to face the threat once more. It was clearly stated in the law that it's our right to be able to celebrate our religion ceremony and pray freely, but the reality is far from ideal. It even worse that the terrorist actually using Islam as their camouflage.

HEY! No religion teaches us to hate and to kill. No GOD told us that it's justified to kill others who didn't have the same faith as ourselves or commit suicide. No GOD gave human the right to decide who's going to heaven and who's not. No GOD allowed you to judge others who are different from you.

So open your eyes, heart, and brain people! Think! Reflect! Do your spiritual teacher teach you to think that other people with different faith, different race, different political view, different sexual orientation, different culture, different way of wearing clothes, different life aspiration are sinners that you're allowed to talk bad about, to judge, to hate, to discriminate, to kill? If SO, then maybe you need a better spiritual teachers.


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I don't know if this incidents are just a make-belief chaos for the citizen to think that the current president and his team aren't credible enough, or it's a real terrorist doing. The timing are just too good to be wrong, when the presidential election will be held next year, and the political world already got all heated up with the intimidation and black-campaign to overthrow the current president.

Whatever it is, personally, this event successfully open my not-so-healed trauma. A country I'd love to call my home is not that homey. Or maybe, it's never been homey from the start, but with the help of internet and social media, the idiotic and judgemental side of my people are exposed more easily and it created the illusion that Indonesia is getting worse. Even with the current president and his chosen team who're working so hard to make Indonesia a better country, it's getting nowhere with my so uncalled trauma.

I know very well that my country is getting better in these 2-3 years, but for someone who's still trying to stand on her own feet, with most of the time struggling to stand than not, I'm in dilemma whether to go or to stay. I know I'm still that naive and don't understand most of the things that happen in the world, I know it might be harder to live outside, as it's uncomfortable and it's not home, but when I think so far ahead, it might be a better choice. My heart and soul are bound in Indonesia, where I'll always be proud to say that I'm Indonesian where ever I go (and not to forget my family is there in Indonesia), but my brain said otherwise. It keeps saying to go out to the jungle and try my luck to conquer it, to have a better life even if I have to start from zero.

I don't have enough experience in professional area or in life, but based on these 27 years of living, I prefer to live in somewhere decent and safe rather than in luxury but I have to live in fear of my safety. For the future I might have my own kids, and I certainly don't want them to live in an environment where they have to live in fear. Don't you agree?


---


If you're in my position, what would you do? Kindly share yours! :D


xoxo
Anastasia



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AGCescapade

Graduation Trip

7:36:00 pm

Hello again sweetheart (^⌣^)ʃ


I've been wanting to explore Kyushuu area ever since forever, and I got the chance right after graduation. My parents and I planned a trip to Hiroshima, Nagasaki, and Yufuin. I actually wanted to go to Fukuoka and more places near Nagasaki, but since my parents have another schedule right after our trip, I just packed all of it into 1 week vacation.


Why Hiroshima-Nagasaki?


Because of my dad influence, I always feel I have to learn something new whenever I travel. It can be everything like the local culture, history, the art performance, festival, anything! And this time, both my dad and I felt like visiting the memorial of world first atomic bombing to actually remind us the effect of war and well, it's part of my country's history too.....


HIROSHIMA ◀

We went to Miyajima Island first thing in the morning. A bad move when the tide will go down in the afternoon to evening, but it's still beautiful nonetheless... We need to cross to the island with ferry, but it's cheap. The island itself is quite big and there are more than just the floating torii.. As we don't have a lot of time (as we kept stopping every 5 minutes to take pictures), we only go around the the Itsukushima Shrine, the torii, and the five-floored pagoda.



excuse my bangs.. D:






After Miyajima Island, we went to Atomic Bombing Memorial Dome. The feeling when you saw a picture of the A-Bombing Dome and actually going there is so different. There're the victim memorial hall and museum, and students project wishing for world peace. They also have local tour guide to explain about the historical stories behind this dome.







There's also a bridge near Hiroshima station (and it's literally beside our hotel) and it's a nice place to take picture too..




NAGASAKI ◀ 

As for Nagasaki, we decided to stay a bit longer here due to a lot of tourist attraction and nearby amusement park, Huis ten Bosch. You can see there are influnces from chinese and western countries in Nagasaki as they have a lot of chinese temple and church. Even the atmosphere is not like in Japan. When I was there, there's no international tourist on my sight, or maybe it's just my bad timing. But I really love the place.

Some places I visited in Nagasaki:
 ● Oura Church
 ● Clover Garden (literally beside Oura Church)
 ● Nagasaki Peace Park
 ● Sofukuji Temple
 ● Chinatown
 ● Urakami Cathedral


Oura Church




Meganehashi
Clover Garden
sofukuji temple
ruin of the original urakami cathedral
Nagasaki Peace Park

After walking around the city, we decided to go to Huis ten Bosch, an amusement park located in between Fukuoka and Nagasaki. It was beautiful, every corner can be snapped and put into your social media. And according to mom, it's not as childish as disneyland, so she was happy when I brought her here. Her reason was the tulip flower. We enjoyed our time here, but the weather was against us that day. ^^a the wind was horrible and it's really cold. Maybe a trip around May or June would be better.



 




Could you see? Our pictures had to be taken several times due to the wind... and when you're travel alone with your parents, you just can't expect your picture would turn out all good, sometimes it's good, sometimes it's weird. Everytime I took pictures, the wind blows, and in the end I had to put on my sunglasses just to make everything a bit better...



 ► YUFUIN, OITA ◀

After Nagasaki, we went our way across Kyushuu and found ourself in a small onsen town with the-oh-so-cute small shop along the main street. It was quite far from the big city and the train was not as frequent as in Oita. Most of the visitor are from Japan and Korea, as it's not main destination for most countries. But let's give this cute town a bit of exposure. 


If you're a fan of Ghibli, or if you love cute places, cute food, cute shops, and onsen, you definitely have to come here.




Love this floral village








I can't recommend specific shop or food, or in better words, you have to try every food they sell since everything looked good...... and our trip was ended in Yufuin. It was hard to leave the place, but I'm sure I will go back again.... and I'll see you again in next post ;)


pssttt............ tell me which one is your favorite place or if it's in your wishlist bucket.. or if you have question or if you want some tips and trick for your trip to Japan ;)



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Credit:
Photos are taken with iPhone X
by mom, dad, and I (we just take turn)



See you again sweetheart!